


December

by prozac



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Character Study, M/M, Unconventional Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28203894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prozac/pseuds/prozac
Summary: Your Jisung isn’t much different than everyone else's Jisung- right? Because even though he smiles at you more, even though he watches you sing like he needs to, you are not special.
Relationships: Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	December

**Author's Note:**

> [optional song pairing.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAAOynFujNw)

“Don’t yell at me,” he says, “but I think I broke your earbuds.” He holds them out to you. They are much more mangled than you remember them being. 

“What happened?” You ask, not that it matters, because you have many pairs of earbuds. You don’t even use earbuds. You use airpods. 

“Washing machine, possibly a small animal.” He says, and throws them in the trash bin. They make a hollow plonk at the bottom. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” You say, and he smiles. You ache. “That’s a killer combo.”

He makes you food to apologize- well, he puts water in the kettle, turns it on. He prepares spicy chicken ramen. It’s your favorite flavor. He hands you mismatched chopsticks. He sits down next to you, he goes on his phone. 

He is Park Jisung. He is your best friend. 

“Where is your food?” You ask, loud on purpose, and he looks up from his phone, sheepish. 

“Not hungry.”

“Bullshit.” You say. He is always hungry.

“C’mon.” he says, like you won’t push it, but you will.

“Eat with me. Make yourself noodles.”

“Chenle.” He says, looking up from his phone. He tilts his head, fixing you with a look. “I can take care of myself.”

“Okay.” You say. He wins you over like that, huh. Pretty sad. 

You have been thinking too much lately. That is not unlike you, of course- the overthinking, the rumination, but this time it’s more specific. More definite. You shake your head and eat your noodles.

“Chenle.” He says, gentle.

“Hm?”

“Come to the Corner Mart with me when you’re done. I’ll buy myself something to eat.”

He waits for you to smile at him before turning back to his phone.

✙

Your Jisung isn’t much different than everyone else's Jisung- right? Because even though he smiles at you more, even though he watches you sing like he needs to, you are not special. 

You are not average- that would be a lie. You are handsome, you are a great fucking singer. You have worked hard for both of these things, so you do not doubt them. But you are not Jisung, and you will never be Jisung. He is in a league that you cannot fathom being included in.

You shake your head when you have thoughts like these, and you do the same now. Your hair flops over your eyes.

“Cute.” Jisung comments. You can hear him smiling.

Your Jisung is quiet when he needs to be, which is a lot more these days. Your Jisung has mastered the art of pretending to listen. He tilts his head, purses his lips, nods too much. He spreads his long fingers wide on the table and drums them softly. 

He is not quiet when you walk to the Corner Mart together. He tells you about his private lesson this morning, about the flavored coffee he tried for the first time. You watch him gesticulate and wonder when you started to love him. 

Not that you don’t love the others- you do, you really do. But it’s different. You don’t fantasize about buying an apartment with Jaemin. You don’t want to own a cat with Jeno. You don’t want them closer like you want Jisung closer, in an unspeakable, overwhelming way. You can verbalize your love for the others, if need be. You could sit them down and tell them what they mean to you.

Not Jisung, though. You couldn’t- or maybe wouldn’t. Maybe you just wouldn’t tell Jisung what he meant to you, even if you were locked with him in a room and he knew you had a secret. Maybe, even if he asked you point blank, you would lie. 

You have never been that good at lying to yourself, though. You have always felt _too_ much, _too_ strongly. 

Jisung taps your shoulder- you haven’t been paying attention. 

There is no misinterpreting the fluttering in your stomach when he looks at you. You are not naive enough for that. It would be easier if you were. 

✙

You hate flying at night. You spend every day before a midnight flight the same: anxious to leave, in an uncomfortable limbo between home and away. 

Today, while you wait for the sun to set, you spend time with your mothers’ cat. She sleeps in a patch of sunlight on the floor- you curve your body around her, careful not to touch her fur. You do not want to wake her up. 

She is an old thing, tired from moving houses so many times. 

“I’m sorry.” you whisper to her. 

She continues to sleep. 

You have five hours until you need to be at the airport. 

In three hours, your parents will be home- in four, they will drive you to Gimpo International, where you will meet up with Jisung and everyone else.

You have done it a million times, and you will do it again, and you will do it again. And you will not say a word. But you hate flying at night. 

“Mrrrp.” your mother’s cat blinks her eyes open and makes a cute little sound. 

“Sorry, baby.” you murmur, and gently pet the space in between her ears. She closes her eyes again, apparently pleased. 

The sun will set slowly today, and the light will be a strange shade of orange. You will start to feel claustrophobic before then, though. 

You will text Jisung to ask if he has packed that hoodie, the grey one with the little globe over the heart, and he will say yes. He probably hasn’t finished packing yet. 

He’ll pack it, though, before you meet up. He’ll pack the hoodie. 

✙

There you are- 

Your eyes, your nose, your stained mouth. The well-maintained hollows of your cheeks. 

Perhaps they once belonged to you completely. 

“You look good, Chenle.” Jisung says, leaning over your shoulder to look at the monitor. He is wearing a red sweater. 

You almost laugh. 

“Thank you.” you say. 

Jisung smiles- radiant. You look away. There are more pictures to be taken, more work to be done. 

You’ll wake up too early tomorrow, heart pounding hard. You will dream-

Well, you will dream what you always dream, and he will be wearing a red sweater.

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to the gc.


End file.
